'Masked Avengers' aka 'Cha shou' (1981) – Chang Cheh.

Shaw Brothers directing god Chang Cheh is the untarnished gold standard for heroic, plasma-packed, bone-shatteringly brutal Kung Fu carnage, but master Cheh audaciously earns himself a glisteringly gory golden trident for his grievously gruesome, riotously rib-wrecking, sternum-skewering martial masterpiece 'Masked Avengers'. A rewardingly visceral, blissfully blood-spattered, brain-bogglingly bonkers example of Cheh's unrivalled mastery of majestic martial arts mayhem!!!! With an exemplary cast of preternaturally agile, fiercely fleet-footed Shaw Brothers warrior icons, sumptuous set design, a memorable score, and a giddy plenitude of truly outstanding panther-paced fight choreography, guarantees that no jaw shall remain undropped by the trident-thrashingly tumultuous conclusion of 'Masked Avengers'. 

Remember, there are only ONE true 'Avengers', and they are genius action maestro Chang Cheh's magnificently muscular Manchurian martial arts madmen 'Masked Avengers' (1981). A deliriously dazzling, skull-shatteringly brutal, freakishly kinetic Kung Fu spectacle without peer! The venomously villanous 'Masked Avengers' actively remains a meticulously mental, stylishly sinuous, ferociously fearsome fight-flick that will righteously kick a Buddha-sized hole in your reeling cerebellum, and let the heroically healing light of Shaw Brothers movie magic rush right in! A scintillatingly savage showcase of inimitable Shaw Brothers bellicosity, maestro Chang Cheh's Grindhouse grisly 'Masked Avengers' is kinda' like if the 'Wild Bunch' met an even WILDER bunch!!!!

 

 

'Copycat' (1995) - John Amiel.

John Amiel's tautly-plotted, criminally underrated 'Copycat' (1995) pointedly remains one of the more intriguing mainstream serial killer thrillers; stylish, immaculately crafted, and forcefully energized by Sigourney Weaver's astonishingly visceral performance as the tormented agoraphobic criminal psychologist Helen Hudson. It must also be said that gifted composer Christopher Young's splendidly shuddersome score is a nerve-jangling treat that does much to keep your buttocks clenched tightly to your chair! Dangerously paranoid, fiercely intelligent, surprisingly mean-spirited, and edgier than a flint codpiece, this predatory, savagely stealthy 'Copycat' still got some wicked-sharp claws! And the irony certainly isn't lost on me that the classy vibe of Amiel's hypnotic 90s thriller hasn't been successfully replicated of late!

 

 

'Eye of the Beast' (2007) – Gary Yates.

Amiable Marine biologist James Van Der Beek fatefully goes toe to beak with an outsized, boat-buckling, savagely sailor squashing squid in the enjoyably Roger Cormanized Canadian creature feature 'Eye of the Beast' (2007). Happily, this titanically tentacled deep sea shocker proved to be anything but a waste of brine! The ruggedly handsome Van Der Beek and his less appealing sultry squeeze Alexandro Castillo make for a pair of greatly sympathetic squid stalkers, bravely taking on this mythical, man-eating, lake-dwelling leviathan with bravura, behemoth-blasting brio! With a serviceable script, and solid cast, Yates proves himself a capable helmsman, sinuously circumnavigating these stormy B-Movie waters with a steady hand. While I've long been sucker for these monstrous manifestations of small scale subaquatic shenanigans, 'Eye of the Beast' might also be appealing to those who simply want to kick back to some beastly good escapist entertainment, and the director's deft use of practical effects lends this frothy fear flick a pleasingly organic quality that so many of the frequently CGI-clotted monster movies pointedly lack.

 

 

'Don't Go in The House' (1979) - Joseph Ellison.

Tonight on the Terror edition of 'Spew The Keyhole', we fatefully visit the infamous Kohler House. Forget about a blandly bourgeois wet room, it's demented Donald's Burn Room that will ignite your imagination! Director Joseph Ellison brings new macabre meaning to 'Disco Inferno' in his matchless macabre midnight movie masterpiece 'Don't Go in The House'. Starring 'The Soprano's Dan Grimaldi as the maniacal, grimly girl grilling, monosyllabic mama's boy Donald, this is one piping hot 70s sickie you won't want to miss, especially if you like your vintage murder movies on the well done side!

 

 

 

 

'Awaydays' (2009) Pat Holden.

Pat Holden's locomotive 'Awaydays' is deffo one of the finer footie fight flicks out there, with large portions of the ol' in-out, lager-lashed lunacy, propah nasty GBH, and memorably lairy bants! This well played, Liverpool-set, vividly realised coming-of-rage drama is based on Kevin Sampson's popular novel about the blisteringly bellicose, retrograde wrongdoings of a cagoule-clad crew of gleefully antisocial, Adidas-prizing, thrill-seeking terrace trashing terrorists. 'Awaydays' has a terrifically energized young cast, and a score to die for, featuring classic choons by The Cure, Echo and The Bunnymen, Magazine, Joy Division, and Ultravox. A wanton weekend with these hyped up hedonistic hooligans makes 'A Clockwork Orange' look like a quashed kumquat!!! The intoxicating razor-slashing mayhem of 'Awaydays' should strike a Lois cord with fans of Alan Clarke's 'Firm', and Nick Love's 'The Football Factory'. Come 'Ed!! Liberate your inner Scallie with Pat Holden's compulsively watchable yobbo jamboree!

 

 

'Expect No Mercy' (1995) - Zale Dalen.

Only on the VERY rarest occasions do multiple bad movie ingredients magically coalesce into the most rewardingly flavoursome celluloid cheese, and Zale Dalen's entertainingly bizarre B-fight flick 'Expect No Mercy' is arguably one of the most fragrantly overcooked slices of virtual martial arts mayhem you could ever hope to witness! As this conspicuously Canadian, copiously cheese-tastic, clumsily computerised Kung Foolishness remains a virtual calamity!

Muscular martial arts maestro, and telegenic Tae Bo tycoon Billy Blanks energetically unleashes one of his more dynamic performances as the powerhouse, frequently shirtless, eminently clueless government agent tasked to infiltrate the tyrannical terrain of wantonly warped warrior guru Warbeck (Wolf Larson), but Warbeck's queasy charm, rock star good looks and princely chin belie his exquisitely evil supervillain mind! On top of the plentiful array of hyperbolic fight scenes, enjoyably rudimentary CGI, hilariously formulaic text, and silky-sexy synth score by Varouje it's Warbeck's manically unfiltered mannerisms that strongly suggest 'Expect No Mercy' will mercilessly become your brand-new bad movie obsession! To reiterate, Wolf Larson's moorishly odoriferous performance as the pixel chewing wrong 'un Warbeck is worth its weight in 24 month-aged Parmigiano-Reggiano!