Sunday, February 28, 2021

'The Minion' (1998) - Jean-Marc Piche.

Two metropolitan transport Workers accidentally tumble into a subterranean, long-forgotten, body-strewn burial chamber hidden deep beneath the bustling streets of New York which leads to the extraordinarily macabre discovery of the upright, partially garbed skeleton of a sword-bearing monk, a Templar Knight. Karen Goodleaf (Francoise Robertson) a keen young archaeologist discovers an ancient key hidden in a sealed locket around the dead monk's neck which living warrior monk Lukas Sadorov (Dolph Lundgren), just flown in from the Holy land, has come to collect, armed only with a killer dentine smile and a pretty gnarly looking spiked gauntlet! This exquisitely handsome pugilist priest being tasked to destroy the various minions that would no less zealously try to reclaim said key for the nefarious purposes of their infernal master! In the conspiracy-laden tumult running giddily up to the millennium the trapped, hateful Antichrist seething sulphurous in his prison pit craves release from his living tomb in order to seek dominion upon the earth with only the pretty archaeologist Goodleaf and Dolph's exceptionally brawny spiked fist to prevent this most nightmarish Armageddon!

While Jean-Marc Piche's 'The Minion' is pure B-movie gobbledygook all the way it's also a lot of fun to watch, and as always, the enigmatic, heroically handsome Dolph makes for an engaging champion and there's also a super ballistic gonzo Terminator-style massacre in the cop shop that's pretty righteous to behold, and it all races along with pleasing alacrity to a substantial evil vs. Lundgren showdown, which bloodily ends in the only righteous way such an altercation should ever end! If it should ever become mandatory to see at least one splendidly screwball, theologically dense fantasy action movie with the mighty, steel-thewed Swede efficiently crushing the errant skulls of myriad doom-heralding, black-eyed demon-possessed minions, this one is eerily appropriate!

'The luxuriously looming, lantern-jawed action icon Dolph Lundgren's entertainingly hokey, late 90s monster vs martial monk DTV mash-up  'The Minion' would make an especially boisterous B-Movie double thrill with JCVD's equally evangelical fists-of-faith actioner 'The Order'. - Tor Bronson @ The Heroic Bloodshed.


 





 






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