'Don't Go in The Woods...Alone!' (1981) – James Bryan.

In the grisly terror-texts of 80s slasher history there is but one  hallowed name that is sinfully synonymous with gleefully gory backwoods blood-bucket excess. James Bryan, the infamously independent schlock-maker's serially skull-smashing, fiscally impoverished, gruesomely gut-spilling, high altitude, bad attitude, hysterically high body count horror 'Don't Go in The Woods...Alone!'   

The soon-to-be far from happy campers ignored the unequivocal warning of their own movie's title, and promptly proceeded to do their very upmost to greatly disturb the uncommonly demented, monolithically monosyllabic, bizarrely attired backwoods berserker! Not without justification, he then relentlessly stalks, bloodily bludgeons, and savagely slashes these deliciously dorky, ill-prepared mountainside interlopers. This unkempt killer sinisterly slaughtering them in his own inimitable, maniacally murderous meat-stick skewering fashion!

This frequently riotous, retrograde 80s splatter sickie, and its terrifying throwback predator will keep these desolate, horror-haunted hills alive with the soul-sickeningly shrill screams of these hapless holidaymakers. Their wild weekend break in the country very soon became a bravura B-Movie, body-strewn bloodbath! Thereby sending it to the very top of the Video Nasty twit parade! These hapless hikers unhappy trails will end in spilt entrails as so dangerously deep in these unforgiving woods the only person who will hear you screaming is the incandescently insane, calamitously kill-crazy, spine-stripping cannibal freak gorily stuffing his bearded beak bloody with your sickly streaming gizzards!' I got wicked wood watching 'Don't go in The Woods', and I sincerely hope you do too!

To reiterate, I phooken LOVE the batso-barmy backwoods berserker in 'Don't Go in The Woods...alone!'! He's my kinda' hydrocephalic, hyper-tweaked, hatefully hiker hacking anthropoid! While this skeevy 80s slasher is rougher than an armadillo's funk-hole, it's a blood-soaked B-Slasher bonanza y'all won't want to miss!

 

 

'DO go in the woods alone! DO get lost! DO piss off the loopy locals! DO drink copiously! DO die slowly! but don't expect me ta' call in the morning!'

 

'If tha' ungodly reek of the murderous mountain man's malign meat-stick doesn't kill ya' the hellacious botulism will put you down for a month!'

 

                          'Do go to the movies!'

 

 

'One Hour Photo' (2002) – Mark Romanek.

'One Hour Photo' (2002) is a perfectly developed horror film about a deeply disturbed voyeur (Robin Williams) unable to F-stop himself from over-exposing his escalating madness. A shocking snapshot of murderous obsession that matte shutter your mind to a glossy pulp!!! Lab Technician Seymour Parrish didn't have to be mad to work here...but it certainly helped him get more out of YOUR life!!!!' 

 

'Manhattan Baby' (1982) – Lucio Fulci.

It is absolutely fair to say that celebrated shock maker, Lucio Fulci's majestically mental, murder-mystical 'Manhattan Baby' rarely receives the plaudits it manifestly deserves! Frequently denied the universal acclaim of 'Zombie Flesheaters' or 'New York Ripper', unfairly disparaged as being a lesser work in the inspirational canon of the visionary gore-father, but it 'aint! I sincerely believe that maestro, Fulci's ominous, hugely atmospheric, inventively grisly, supernaturally sinister, eerily eccentric offering has enough rewardingly off-beat, splatter-slathered, pan-dimensional strangeness to beguile any true Fulci fan!

Maestro, Fulci and his frequent literary collaborator, Dardano Sacchetti unleashed a memorably macabre protagonist in their mythical murder fest 'Manhattan Baby'. This ancient, diabolically distempered Djinn resides in the pretty, ornately fashioned Egyptian amulet worn around young, Susie's (Brigitta Boccoli) delicate neck. After her cavalier archaeologist father, George (Christopher Connelly) violates the long-buried tomb, this vengeful entity renders him temporarily blind! Back in metropolitan Manhattan this antediluvian horror evilly manifests a nightmarish torrent of portal-spawned slaughter! Those in close proximity to the possessed poppet are despatched in a most gruesome fashion! Spirited away to an arid desert, metaphysically mangled in far-flung mythic realms, set upon by poisonous serpents or horrifically gored to death by eyeball piercing stuffed birds, their profane facsimile of life another manifestation of the foul curse haunting the Hacker family! 

'Once this devilishly distempered Manhattan Baby is awakened, it's YOU that will be screaming for ya' mama!' - Project Nightmare.

 

 

 

 Abbot & Costello Meet Frankenstein' & Abbot & Costello Meet The Mummy'

Abbot & Costello meet the mercilessly mirthful monsters in a creepy-comedic double-thrill of terminal terror titters! And with Frankenstein's like these who needs Mummy's? You've never screamed anything quite like it!!! These two chowder-heads are just tomb much fun for just one movie! For one fright only, see Abbot & Costello gravely go where only Ghouls fear to tread! They had better dismember that Frankenstein sure 'ain't no Valentine and by golly! This musty Mummy's ceremonial nightie is wrapped up a little to frightly! Watch these two chuckle-heads and their newly-deads make a right funny scare of mismatched movie misfits. While far from deadly serious, the laughter might prove gravely contagious!

 

 

‘Ghost Town’ (1988) - Richard McCarthy.

Sharpshooting Sheriff Langley's (Frank Luz) quest to locate absconding bride, Kate (Catherine Hickland) terminally Twilight-Zones our immaculately stubble-faced, metal-headed hunk into the doomy Ghost Town of ‘Cruz Del Diablo’. An especially grim locale wherein despotic zombie Outlaw, Devlin (Jimmie F. Skaggs) reigns absolutely over his equally malicious, foully worm-eaten cronies. Devlin Devilishly maintaining a murderous vigil over all the wretched souls in Devlin's purgatorial enclave! Once our quick-draw hero finds, Kate, Langley's travails begin in deadly earnest, since the murderous Devlin has taken a sick-headed shine to the greatly beleaguered, blonde haired beauty! Langley must stoically ‘High Noon’ his dangerously gun-smoke’d, corpse-strewn odyssey into Devlin’s Dantean underworld of cruelty, gruesome outlaw justice and bullet-blasted revenge!

Evocatively shot by frequent Empire Pictures collaborator, Mac Ahlberg, the off-grid ‘Ghost Town’ has an appealingly hallucinatory aesthetic, part mythological Rod Serling'd phantasmagoria, and spooky, generously red-sauced Spaghetti western. These heady ingredients imbuing this uniquely hybridized horror film a bespoke, dust-blown B-movie savour all of its very own! The performances are exemplary, lanky Luz is an engagingly heroic, squint-eyed goodie, scurvy Skaggs makes a memorably malefic nemesis, and quirky character actor Bruce Glover is sinisterly sepulchral as the ambivalent ‘Dealer’. ‘Ghost Town’ was an unusual concept way back in ’88, and the dreary dearth of imagination in recycled contemporary horror gives McCarthy's underappreciated Six Gun shocker ‘Ghost Town’ some additional lustre.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Werewolf Shadow' (1971) – Leon Klimovsky.

Having two horror icons in one film is no sure fire guarantee of a winner, but in the case of the sin-sationally spooktackular 1971 Gothic horror masterpiece 'Werewolf Shadow' it proved to be a howling success! Slo-mo stylist, Leon Klimovsky and his heroically husky star, Paul Naschy combined their not inconsiderable fear-making prowess to produce an audacious, visually sumptuous, sapphically scintillating 70s shocker! Lurid lycanthrope, Waldemar Daninsky (Paul Naschy) and sensuously bloodsucking sorceress, Countess Wandesa Dárvula de Nadasdy (Paty Shephard) reopen old festering wounds, heading inexorably to a fateful, fur-flinging confrontation on Walpurgis nacht! The unholiest of nights wherein Satan holds dominion upon the earth, mouldering graves disgorge the vengeful dead to wreak the devil's own madness!

No comprehensive overview of, Leon Klimovsky's monstrously entertaining vulpine Vamp Vs melancholic Wolf beatdown would be replete without earnestly praising the perfectly perky euro-starlets, Gaby Fuchs and Barbara Capell! These blissfully beauteous B-Movie bombshells find themselves anxiously ensconced within the eerily isolated, storm-lashed, strikingly primitive domicile of the altogether tragic shapeshifter Waldemar Daninsky. The guests initially unaware of Daninsky's lunatic, doom-auguring sister, Elisabeth Daninsky (Yelena Samarina) and the catacomb creeping, carotid draining countess de Nasdy! 'Werewolf Shadow' guarantees all Lycanthrope-loving viewers are in for the Walpurgis Night of their horror-loving lives!