'Don't Go in The Woods...Alone!' (1981) – James Bryan.

In the grisly terror-texts of 80s slasher history there is but one  hallowed name that is sinfully synonymous with gleefully gory backwoods blood-bucket excess. James Bryan, the infamously independent schlock-maker's serially skull-smashing, fiscally impoverished, gruesomely gut-spilling, high altitude, bad attitude, hysterically high body count horror 'Don't Go in The Woods...Alone!'   

The soon-to-be far from happy campers ignored the unequivocal warning of their own movie's title, and promptly proceeded to do their very upmost to greatly disturb the uncommonly demented, monolithically monosyllabic, bizarrely attired backwoods berserker! Not without justification, he then relentlessly stalks, bloodily bludgeons, and savagely slashes these deliciously dorky, ill-prepared mountainside interlopers. This unkempt killer sinisterly slaughtering them in his own inimitable, maniacally murderous meat-stick skewering fashion!

This frequently riotous, retrograde 80s splatter sickie, and its terrifying throwback predator will keep these desolate, horror-haunted hills alive with the soul-sickeningly shrill screams of these hapless holidaymakers. Their wild weekend break in the country very soon became a bravura B-Movie, body-strewn bloodbath! Thereby sending it to the very top of the Video Nasty twit parade! These hapless hikers unhappy trails will end in spilt entrails as so dangerously deep in these unforgiving woods the only person who will hear you screaming is the incandescently insane, calamitously kill-crazy, spine-stripping cannibal freak gorily stuffing his bearded beak bloody with your sickly streaming gizzards!' I got wicked wood watching 'Don't go in The Woods', and I sincerely hope you do too!

To reiterate, I phooken LOVE the batso-barmy backwoods berserker in 'Don't Go in The Woods...alone!'! He's my kinda' hydrocephalic, hyper-tweaked, hatefully hiker hacking anthropoid! While this skeevy 80s slasher is rougher than an armadillo's funk-hole, it's a blood-soaked B-Slasher bonanza y'all won't want to miss!

 

 

'DO go in the woods alone! DO get lost! DO piss off the loopy locals! DO drink copiously! DO die slowly! but don't expect me ta' call in the morning!'

 

'If tha' ungodly reek of the murderous mountain man's malign meat-stick doesn't kill ya' the hellacious botulism will put you down for a month!'

 

                          'Do go to the movies!'