'Dead Cert' (2010) - Steven Lawson.

Once a shady crew of lahnden villains discover that the Romanian business consortium offering to buy their nightclub are blood-crazed vampires, the negotiations fatally degenerate into grisly, plasma plastered mayhem! This laudably lurid attempt to gorily splice a well 'ard Geezer gangbanger with a slinkily red-gelled, super-splattery vampire yarn proved more fun than I initially thought. 'Dead Cert' is an entertainingly ill-shaped B-Horror monstrosity that bloodily provides some additionally trashy titbits of amusement the film-makers may not have initially intended!

While intense, slab-faced Craig Fairbrass is crudely effective in 'Rise of the Footsoldier', both Fairbrass, and ubiquitous rent-a- wrong 'un Billy Murray occasionally appear out-of-sync with the schlocky material, which generally requires more theatrical performances than they provide. To be overly generous, 'Dead Cert' is somewhat suggestive of 'Monster Club', but, sadly, lacking the sardonic bite. All that neg having being said, rabid Brit-horror freaks should be able to hungrily pick these B-movie bones clean! As ever, amiable cove Dexter Fletcher's distractingly voluminous barnet remains a well-coiffed treat, and Stentorian ham Stephen Berkoff is on splendidly shouty form, but, sadly, Danny Dyer fans may bemoan his unusually miniscule part! (I must just add, that my second viewing proved altogether more pleasurable than my first).

'Dead Cert' almost proves tomb much to stake as a Teflon tough Lahnden crew bites off more than they can chew!' - Weirdlingwolf.