'The Guard From Underground' (1992) – Kiyoshi Kurosawa.

The acclaimed Japanese horror maestro inaugurated an extraordinary filmography with the smart, ironic, thrillingly nasty noirish horror gem 'The Guard From Underground'. Referencing both Crime, and menacing B-slasher tropes, Kurosawa's fiendishly compelling examination of a former sumo wrestler, turned security guard's brutal murder spree provides a wealth of tantalizing depravity! Made with consummate skill, with superb performances, gripping plot and memorably sinister set-pieces, The Guard From Underground has much to recommend it to those who appreciate a more twisted alternative to the prosaic masked maniac formula. For such a low budget feature it looks remarkably polished, having oodles of tense atmosphere, and the looming killer's bludgeoning kills are disturbingly inventive! While there are a number of eccentric slashers I genuinely admire, it isn't my favourite genre, yet Kurosawa's idiosyncratic take on 80s slice n' dice remains a spectacularly muscular exercise in sheer bloody terror!

 Bull (2021) – Paul Andrew Williams.

Bull bloodily expands upon the age-old concept of an unstoppable force Bull (Neil Maskell) meeting an equally immovable object Norm ( David Hayman ) with predictably catastrophic results. Set anonymously within a saccharine English suburb, brutal enforcer Bull's desperate hopes of taking custody of his beloved son Aiden are quite demonstratively destroyed by the murderous machinations of his immoral, drug-sotted wife and equally loveless gang boss father-in-law Norm. Bull is a stark, unapologetically nihilistic, beautifully acted, thrillingly visceral gangster thriller with all the ersatz, jazz mag glamour excised, luridly exposing the sordid morass within. It is a glowing testament to the film-makers Promethean talents, having appropriated one of the more mildewed tropes of British genre cinema and robustly constructing a film of such astonishing vitality. While it is absolutely nothing more than my own projection, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if 20 years from now, Bull might still be regarded as the very quintessence of Neil Maskell's masterly gift of playing gorgeously foul-mouthed villains. In closing, while the first act is ably set up with a glacial proficiency, it was roughly midway when things really started heating up, with the final cathartic act proving to be nothing less than a religious experience!

 Confessions of a Window Cleaner (1974) – Val Guest.

Notoriously randy window scrubber Timothy Lea is always on the job with his mop and bucket, he's become so dangerously oversexed, if you accidentally left your backdoor open, he'd be more than likely to fuck it!'

 Against a Crooked Sky (1975) – Earl Bellamy.

A homesteader's daughter (Jewel Blanch) is kidnapped by Indians which heralds a violent rite of passage for her naïve younger brother(Stewart Petersen), as he courageously undertakes his increasingly desperate search for her. Charismatic character actor Richard Boone is on especially compelling form as boozy roustabout trapper Russian in Earl Bellamy's ruggedly exciting 70s western. Against a Crooked Sky remains a tremendously thrilling adventure, laden with rousing incident, spectacular vistas, colourful badinage, fine acting and an exemplary score by Lex De Azevedo.

 Cyberon (2000) – Bill Baggs.

A smarmy American doctor pays a UK clinic to run trials of 'Cyberon', a pharmaceutically advanced smart drug on a ward of seemingly incurable cases. His outlandish claims initially appear justified as patients with severe mental and physical disorders show immediate improvement, but the hallucinatory side-effects of sinister silvery spectres soon take on malign, altogether apocalyptic dimensions! While Cyberon isn't greatly aided by its low budget and pedestrian CGI, the credible cast do their utmost to add verisimilitude to the implausible concept of a glowingly sentient serum that heals the lame, magically improves cerebration, and menacingly manifests despotic, pan-dimensional robo-boogeymen??? like, take my money, dude!!!! Much like an especially astringent cough syrup, Cyberon's loony premise is a pretty hard swallow, but nevertheless, I found much of it to be a fun, bizarrely compelling yarn. Both over earnest and tantalisingly goofy, Cyberon would be ideal viewing as part of a lively Sci-schlock session, and Dr Who fans will most certainly appreciate the fact that the Cyberons closely resemble hydrocephalic Cybermen. Cyberon's frequent lapses into silliness merely heighten its affable B-Movie charms, and while visually uninspired, the actors commitment almost brings the prosaic text to life. A worthy curiosity, and should Cyberon be made available in a set of other similarly skewed DTV Sci-fi oddities, I'd happily snag a copy. In conclusion, maintaining a TV movie aesthetic throughout, Cyberon's appeal may seem limited, but avid sci-fi addicts and more actively tweaked Psychotronists should happily filter out the grot and enjoy the delicious pulp beneath!

 The Amazing Mr. X (1948) – Bernard Vorhaus.

A melancholy widow (Lynn Bari), still grieving the loss of her beloved husband is cynically preyed upon by a fraudulent psychic Alexis (Turhan Bey)in atmospheric chiller The Amazing Mr. X. This noirish B-thriller remains a surprisingly engaging watch, replete with a sardonic text, quality performances, stylised chiaroscuro photography and excitingly providing a rip roaring climax! With today's baffling proliferation of paranormal popinjays, pseudo-scientific shills and meta-mystic mumbo-jumboists, The Amazing Mr. X retains a shocking relevance, that even the redoubtable Mr. X himself couldn't have envisioned! 

 The Contractor (2022) - Tarik Saleh.

This slickly competent, unerringly pedestrian actioner finds ex-special forces hotshot (Chris Pine) bloodily unleashing his special skills once a morally murky Berlin black op goes predictably fubar. Chris Pine is convincingly intense as a physically and mentally damaged vet, honourably discharged for abuse of pain meds, but the rudimentary narrative proved unexciting, and, for me, a professionally prosaic shoot 'em up without Seagal or Lundgren isn't especially essential viewing. The technical aspects are credible, physical/ballistic combat is brisk and bloody, the cast's performances are sound, and yet The Contractor is hobbled by a lacklustre text and a conspicuous lack of invention. It's certainly not a bad film, a steely-looking Pine effectively contrives sympathy for his honourable protagonist's plight, and, to be entirely just, any regular viewer without a disturbingly comprehensive collection of action films will, perhaps, be far less critical than I.

 Lifepod (1981) Bob Emenegger.

Entertaining low budget Sci-fi hokum about the mid-flight calamity aboard the vast, highly sentient space cruiser Arcturus. Once the said Lifepod is dramatically ejected the narrative remains talky, but I was mostly okay with that, since I genuinely wanted to know what the mutinous super brain piloting the Arcturus was up to. Lifepod is affable, rather than dynamic, the sets, moody synth score, and performances are fine, while the text never strays too far from earnest TV movie of the week, the film's core mystery maintained interest. As a lifelong fan, and avid collector of low budget sci-fi/horror oddities, I can appreciate that the appeal of lifepod isn't absolute, but the next time it turns up on late night telly, I believe it's a pleasant enough watch. The main reason I chose to check it out again was the fact that I dimly recalled liking the cast, the analogue aesthetic of late 70s, early 80s sci-fi features remains enormously appealing, and non-dystopian science fiction cinema is far from ubiquitous. In conclusion, for what it's worth, I consider Lifepod to be a competently made, engagingly contemplative B-Sci-fi thriller with sympathetic characters, and an unexpectedly optimistic conclusion.

 Demobbed (1944) – John E. Blakeley.

An enjoyably boisterous, rough n' tumble, mostly chucklesome musical hall comedy that unsubtly blends drama, broad comedy skits, noisome slapstick shenanigans and not unpleasantly sentimental light opera interludes. I must openly admit, even on paper, that sounds like eminently righteous fare, and to the film-makers credit, Demobbed is a frantic, occasionally misfiring, rewardingly gag-heavy, war-era morale booster. Adroitly performing rapid-fire exchanges, the breathlessly energetic cast seem equally adept at bawdy character parts and athletic physical comedy. Demobbed proved to be an unexpectedly entertaining vintage treat, a joyous admixture of speedy Marx Bros shtick, and bruising Keaton-esque pratfalls, being both compellingly ridiculous, and utterly charming! It is quite easy to imagine 40s cinema goers finding Demobbed an absolute riot, and seen today, I earnestly believe that it remains a fun watch, providing more than cosy tea and biccies nostalgia. There is an especially memorable sequence whereby one of the cast plays a ventriloquists dummy with extraordinary verisimilitude, while amusing, it could quite easily have become something infinitely more bizarre!

End of A Gun (2016) – Keoni Waxman.

While it's not one of my most refined attributes, I still have an unsavoury penchant for porcine, latter day Seagal DTV actioners, and to be fair, Keoni Waxman has reliably directed some of his more entertaining kill-fests. After Seagal annihilates a distractingly voluptuous femme fatale's (Jade Ewen) abusive beau, they fatefully hatch a plot to abscond to Florida with 2 million of his boss's money, which culminates bloodily in predictably bullet-shredded mayhem. End of A Gun isn't going to convert those that abhor Seagal's sledgehammer oeuvre, but I found it lively enough fare, plus Seagal's absurd predilection of playing bulletproof men of honour never fails to amuse. Some voyeuristically crane their heads at grisly traffic accidents (I don't), as others enjoy a moderately less sordid interest in Seagal's simplistic shoot 'em ups. If, like me, you sporadically ogle Seagal's lumpy body double, End of A Gun generously provides a stolid enough boggle at the husky, helmet-haired head-knocker. The text is mostly adequate, as expected, Seagal's choppy fight scenes appear amusingly inorganic, yet it must also be said that the authentically delicious Jade Ewen is a bona fide fox!

'You're either the guy hanging people from the ceiling, or you ARE the guy hanging from the ceiling!'

 Mad Cats. (2023) – Reiki Tsuno.

Following the theft of mythical catnip, two bunglingly ineffectual male protagonists, and a kawaii kung fu goddess undertake an increasingly eccentric odyssey, wherein a brutal gang of vengeful anthropomorphic cats aggressively attempt to reclaim this ancient Egyptian bounty! Absurdist, blissfully silly, briskly violent and brilliantly entertaining, Tsuno's playfully paradigm-shifting action comedy caught me wholly by surprise. Cuddlesome, and most deadly, Mad Cats is a winningly whimsical actioner that is bound to have friskier film lover's feline fine!

 Dogman (2023) – Luc Besson.

Straight off the bat, I must admit to being a mega fan of Besson's gun-happy Eurocorp oeuvre; Subway, Nikita, and the iconic actioner Leon remain dear to my heart to this very day. Dogman is a film I erroneously believed would be doggie-Doo, which happily then proved to be the mutt's nuts! The predictable narrative didn't hinder my enjoyment, as I had profound sympathy for the damaged protagonist (Caleb Landry Jones), and any feature with a smarty pants pooch doing his smarty pants thing to ZZ Top's La Grange is going to register strongly with me. I still righteously dig on 70s midnight movie classic The Doberman Gang, and I sincerely feel Besson's Dogman contains playful trace elements of TDG throughout. The central premise of a cruelly disabled malcontent, ostracized by an unfeeling world, expressing himself in heartfelt drag performances, and being lovingly protected by a razor-keen pack of preternaturally gifted hounds ultimately proved wonderfully entertaining, and would additionally make for a damn fine Graphic Novel. An appealing, brain-meltingly cutesy factor scampers amiably throughout Dogman, kinda suggestive of Walter Hill taking a skewed shot at making some satisfyingly schmaltzy, Disneyfied pulp. I'm more than positive that this has been suggested a multitude of times before, but of all his youthful Thespian contemporaries, Caleb Landry Jones is demonstratively the most suited to playing The Joker.

 The Giant Spider Invasion (1976) – Bill Rebane.

Luridly lo-fi Indie horror hero Bill Rebane's cult 70s creature feature has lost none of its power to envelop B-monster fans within its scintillatingly wonky web of upliftingly creepy crawly celluloid. Briskly paced, with a playful text, The Giant Spider Invasion is a lively throwback to Atomically agitated, paranoid, madly mutated, midnight movie delirium! Like many equally bugged-out B-shlockers produced in the 70s, the entertainment value of The Giant Spider Invasion remains remarkably undiminished, due largely to the absolutely joyous tactility of analogue FX, all of these amiable small town Sci-fried shenanigans being infused with an unfiltered goofiness. I have a pronounced fascination for markedly non-Hollywood, earnestly made horror/sci-fi, as the content quite often provides a folksy, appealingly homespun aesthetic, and Rebane's wacky Wisconsin wonders all remain enormously appealing examples of D.I.Y terror. Boasting a credible cast, the technical aspects prove no less solid, the rampaging cyclopean arachnid is utterly glorious to behold, with rubicund Alan Hale stealing the show as the avuncular, no-nonsense, prune-scoffing sheriff. If one were playing a round of horror Top Trumps, Rebane's ambulatory arachnid would decisively trounce Spielberg's water-logged shark by quite some margin!

“More freaky Stuff from the north of Wisconsin!”

 We're All Going to World's Fair' (2021) – Jane Schoenbrun.

A fragile, isolated, almost mournful young woman (Anna Cobb) uploads the singular experiences of her spooky World's Fair Challenge, and it is not long into her increasingly odd shenanigans when a middle-aged, patently skeevey observer begins to play his very own profoundly unsettling game. Immediately after viewing WAGTW, I felt a tad unmoved, since it initially failed to deliver much in the way of palpable horror weirdness, but, unexpectedly, I spent much of the evening ruminating about Casey's murky online misadventures. Gamine Anna Cobb is truly delightful as the anxious, Manga-eyed, horror-loving Casey, and her lively performance proved compelling. Withdrawn in her insular, laptop-hued Attic world, estranged from an aggressive patriarch, Casey is a somewhat piteous creature, a disenfranchised, blithely weirdness-seeking teenager groomed by an equally internet-fixated middle-aged fiend. My reading of Schoenbrun's oblique film as a moodily surrealistic treatise on web-lurking abusers might be off, but this disquieting narrative, real, or wholly imagined, kinda stuck with me more than I thought it would. The terse, starkly silent scenes of the disturbed man prowling angstily through his blandly palatial, conspicuously family-less family home is sinisterly suggestive of an altogether malign backstory.

 Firepower (1993) – Richard Pepin.

Set in a future dystopian L.A, two persistently wise ass, Kung Fu crazy cops, Gary Daniels and Chad McQueen, go undercover in off-grid, sleaze-sodden Hellzone to bust drug kingpin Drexal's (Joseph Ruskin) misanthropic machinations. Pepin's righteously fight-packed Firepower is busily replete with an explosive admixture of blammo vehicular carnage, bullet-shredded bellicosity, gutsy gladiatorial cage fights, and moorishly cheezoid alpha badinage. The delirious double-whammy of Gary Daniels monolithic smugness, and Ultimate Warrior's relentlessly Roid-raged dramatics is arguably worth the price of admittance alone! Featuring bravura mano a mano beat-downs, Firepower compellingly delivers 90s DTV goodness of the highest caliber. While PM Entertainment's top tag team will manifestly remain Billy Blanks and Roddy Piper, for me, macho man-biscuits Chad McQueen and Gary Daniels, are arguably hewn from equally robust B-Movie clay. Long-time fans of PM Entertainment are no doubt greatly aware of Firepower's majestic manliness, and I'm reasonably hopeful that many 1^st time experiencers shall appreciate Pepin's enjoyably Brodacious bash 'em up. Closing with a more personal peccadillo, I greatly welcomed Chad McQueen swarthily channelling his inner Mickey Rourke, Motorcycle Boi lives!!! (ish).

 The Dog Lovers Guide To Dating (2023) – Craig Pryce.

Cutesy, but not unbearably so, The Dog Lovers Guide To Dating has two affable, exceptionally well-groomed leads, and their inevitably glutinous will-they-won't-they shtick is of a far higher pedigree than expected. This cosily fluffy tail of workaholic, love-shy dog trainer Alex (Rebecca Dalton) and slick, big-hearted ad exec Simon's (Corey Sevier) puppy love is certainly no dog's dinner, perhaps, being a surefire candidate for Best in Show. For reasons I have never cared to examine too closely, I have long had a singular penchant for wallowing unthinkingly in gloopy Hallmark pap, my tolerance for syrupy sentimentality remains disturbingly high. Geared with a ruthless efficiency to appease canine-loving romantics, even as more of a cat person, I wasn't wholly immune to the adorable doggies warmly fuzzy charms!