'Demonic Toys' (1992) - Peter Manoogian.

Director, Peter 'Eliminators' Manoogian's playful, mayhem-packed, antisocial automaton fight-fest 'Demonic Dolls' (1992) remains a perennial Full Moon fan favourite for zealously including so many of the more outrageously eccentric tropes that made their deliciously animated B-Movie's so absurdly likeable! Splatter-fans get to savour the boisterously bedevilled travails of righteously butt-kicking, truculent Teddy Bear crushing, sweet-lookin’ Cop, Judith Gray (Tracey Scoggins) and her seriously snotty, wise-crackin’ punk sidekick, Mark (Bentley Mitchum) doing bloody battle against hellacious hordes of wantonly warehouse-trashing, terrifyingly tripped-out terror-toys in one of the more magnificently monkey-nutso, hell raising, Pizza n' fear, midnight-movie offerings from Full Moon Entertainment, the delightfully disreputable perpetrators of luridly loopy, gloriously gloopy, pleasingly perverse puppetry! To paraphrase an old adage: these delectably deviant Demonic Toys are the gorgeously gruesome gifts that keep on goring!!!' The agreeably plush-looking Blu-ray of 'Demonic Toys' certainly beats the fuzzy ol' VHS edition!

'The 'Demonic Toys' are cuter n’ hell and always slay well with others!’ - Weirdlingwolf.

 

 

'I'm one bear necessity you shoulda' gone without, dumb-nuts!'

'Mom never once let me forget mine wasn't an easy birth!'

'Insane Clown Perfidy!'

‘Blood Massacre’ (1991) - Don Dohler.

Don by name, 'the Don' by nature, maverick-minded, luridly inventive, low budget horror impresario, Don Dohler, truly is the Grindhouse gift that just keeps on giving, and I have a powerful yen to express my boundless joy at experiencing his gruesome, George Stover-starring, wickedly gnarly sounding home invasion insanity, ‘Blood Massacre’ (1991), and such a tantalizingly blunt title could only mean one thing, the entirely welcome reality of yet another gob-smackingly gory instalment of deep backwoods-weirdness that only the diabolical dean of B-Movie delirium, Don Dohler can deliver! 

Murderously misanthropic, foul-mouthed ex-Vietnam vet and full-time creep-master, Rizzo (George Stover) is the most vociferously distempered member of a disorganized, douchey crew of ghetto-grungy, unsophisticated freebooters whose last impromptu violent Video Store heist yielded little more gain than the tenacious, wholly unwanted attentions of Detective McGuire (Herb Otter Jr.) and a sudden desperate need for immediate sanctuary!

The far from fortuitous theft of a car, and subsequently bad mojo-inducing kidnapping of a young woman, lickety split leads this querulous, terminally trash-mouthing mob to her remote family home where fulminating tensions within the dismally dysfunctional gang are merely the foul-mouthed prelude to a cannibal-crazed, blissfully bad taste Blood Massacre! Huzzah!!! Even if venerated celluloid shock troopers Wes Craven, John Waters and Andy Milligan had combined their not inconsiderable horror-making idiosyncrasies they still might not have reached the same exultant WTF apogee of low budget maestro, Don Dohler’s cheap-jack, adrenaline-jacked backwoods’ skeezoid slasher classic, 'Blood Massacre'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Blood Massacre’ is another hen’s teeth rare example wherein the conspicuous lack of funding, and the rushed, expeditious ‘look’ of a hectic ‘seat-of-the pants' approach to gonzo schlockmaking adds an additionally unhinged verisimilitude to the macabre Helter Skelter insanity of beloved indie-movie maestro, Don Dohler's inventively idiosyncratic home invasion insanity!!!  -  Finneas Flange the Ferociously Fapping Fink.

‘Dohler’s hysterically hopped-up home invasion splatter-show, ‘Blood Massacre’ has got a kick like a triple shot of Lysol!!!!!’ - Weirdlingwolf.

 

 

 

'It 'aint love until I can taste the blood, baby!'

'I got this! Duct tape and Aspirin and you'll be Donny Disco!'  

'Too late for a rain check?'

'With a face for radio I made it big in B-Pictures! Don' ever stop believing!'

'Galaxy Invader on VHS! Righteous!!!'

The axe is family!'
 

 

‘The Last Slumber Party’ (1988) – Steven Tyler.

Heralded by some enervating sleaze-rock guitars courtesy of poodle rockers 'Firststryke' we are plunged somewhat discourteously into the excruciatingly tawdry milieu of Steven Tyler's stultifying, slug-paced teen-killer, shot on the same peanuts they paid the 'writer' to disgorge an hour's worth of egregious prose, suffering through these eminently disagreeable, sieve-headed skeezers and their prosaic attempts to celebrate the pending summer break with an impromptu slumber party that fortuitously proved to be their very last soirée! Having the ability to endure pithy verbiage such as 'Check it out!!! she 'aint wearing a bra again!', or the edifying refrain of 'We didn't fill you up full of Jack Daniel's to make you sleep!' to the sublime riposte of 'Oh! Queer-bag!!! Isn't it time you came out of the closet?' required a degree of saintliness I resolutely do not possess!

The poorly recorded sound frequently fudged many of the brackish exchanges no less clumsily than the director's turgid approach to terror tactics by imbuing the titanically irksome, surgical mask wearing, house stalking wack-job with all the legitimate threat of a 'Weird' Al Yankovic skit. At one especially low point in the lugubrious narrative one of the obnoxious girls cries out for a Valium and I felt that I had the distinct advantage since the director's sluggish exercise in cinematic inertia proved to be an effective soporific! 'The Last Slumber Party' is so uncommonly static it plays out tortuously slowly like a torpid tribute to Andy Warhol's no less sedentary oeuvre. The actions of all those making the film are so asinine, their lack of artistic integrity so absolute, one sincerely hopes that a grim fate worse than actually watching 'The Last Slumber Party' might befall all of those involved in its wholly misguided creation!

 

 

'NO ONE sees my naked neck but my old man, creep-o!'

'Mom!!! I got the Steven Tyler movie!!!  No! No! Not the Aerosmith guy...Gee, mom, always so negative....it might just turn out great!'

'For shame United Home Video!'

'If you use this part to write the script your slasher film will suck till doomsday, dude!'

'From an extra in T. J Hooker to an honest to Betsy  Hollywood movie in under 10 years, I'm a skyrocket, baby!'

'Taking it up the pooper  like a trooper don' always guarantee the best parts!'

'This skeevey director's a goddamn knee freak!'

'The Juilliard School prepares you for everything but this!'

'We also do kids birthday parties and Silver anniversaries!'

'I just saw the rushes!!! This 'aint cranberry sauce, baby cakes!'

'Sweet! No one bleeds out quite like a red head!'