‘Toe Tags’ (2003)- Darla Enlow.

 

Unfairly neglected, this desperately underfunded, amusingly old-fashioned S.O.V slicer n’ dicer is rudimentarily directed, and charmingly performed by blonde bombshell, Darla Enlow. Darla is ably supported by an equally game cast of amicably ‘top-popping’, red goo-slobbering, over-enthusiastic amateur performers that collectively makes all the artistically bereft, T&A-loaded slayage pretty fun to boggle at, in a forgiving, generously cheese-clotted, beer-googled kinda’ way!

The ubiquitous, black-gloved psycho loose aboot tha’ hoose is twitchily captured in a prosaic S.O.V manner. This consistent overuse of jerky, hand-held camera drawing attention to the woeful lack of visual refinement. That being said dishy, Darla Enlow occasionally delivers on the cheapo grue! Much like delicious drive-in diva’s Doris Wishman & Roberta Findlay decades before her, dynamic Darla makes the very best out of her limited filmmaking resources. Fortuitously, two of ‘Toe Tags’ more beguiling traits are the anything but meagre displays of female pulchritude!!! Toe Tags got some hellaciously birthday-suited hotties, dude!!! And said nubile, entirely eyeball friendly fecundity is frequently bared and no less deliciously drenched in glistering, home-made plasmatic goodness for a gloriously blood-burnished finish!

Toe Tags decidedly clunky dénouement might leave a great many bemused, perhaps, even momentarily irked, but any fair-minded gore hound richly schooled upon the more refined scriptures of Scooby-Doo and ‘Bloodsucking Freaks’ should righteously dig on such lo-Fi shenanigans! While it would be absurd to suggest that ‘Toe Tags’ is in any way a hitherto undiscovered S.O.V slasher classic, but taken warts and all, this spunky little blood-spiller is just too darn likeable to drearily dwell upon its budgetary limitations, and overreliance on cliché. 

‘Break out the barf bags as some sicko is slayin’ aerobicized slags and stealin’ their Toe Tags!’