'Dead Silence' (2007) – James Wan.

After a villainous ventriloquist's dummy is delivered to the home of handsome Jamie Ashen (Ryan Kwanten), and his pretty wife Lisa (Laura Regen), this perfidious puppet very soon belies its inert demeanour, as 'Billy' utilizing murderous means most macabre dispatches Kwanten's pale Mia Farrow Lookalike wife in an especially jaw-droppingly diabolical manner! Thusly burdened with grief, our dishy widower high-tails it to his gloomily dilapidated Silent Hill-esque home-town in his ubiquitous Hollywood hero's muscle car in order to discover the possibility of there being some monstrous truth behind the childhood rhyme extolling to evil exploits of malevolent Mary Shaw and her supremely sinister 101 Dollnation had anything to do with his sinuous spouse's savage snuffing out! A goodly number of noughties 'horror' films are based on creepy urban legends, and James Wan's predictably jump-scare laden 'Dead Silence' rigorously maintains the zeitgeist. The sleekly fashioned fright-flick reeks of Hollywood artifice, from the screamingly obvious polystyrene tombs, plentiful usage of Fright Night fog, and delightfully hokey, hunchback-less Guignol theatre, wherein the grim-faced Mary Shaw's infamous legend was so menacingly born!

While the shocks are somewhat muted, perhaps in an attempt to avoid the boggle-eyed wrath of hissy missy Mary, the film's more endearing qualities are the delicious comedy stylings of a deadpan Donnie Wahlberg as the wryly disdainful cop Detective Lipton, his colourful performance increasing the faux-Gothic campery herein. For me, as a horror film-maker, Wan is a somewhat pallid practitioner, but the dude has legit comedy chops, to whit, the blackly funny, wickedly witty 'Tales From The Crypt' twist, and if all noughties horror titles were replete with a similarly cartoonish cynical cop like Donnie I'd be more of a fan! While 'Dead Silence' is about as scary as a mislaid till receipt, it proved to be all so fabulously absurd I couldn't help but dig it! Usually I relish the dire misfortune that descends so fatally upon the expensively coiffed heads of Hollywood's perfectly plastic protagonists, but in this rare instance I had enormous empathy for the dotty old dear gibbering benignly away in the mortician's cobwebbed cellar, this truly darling, whimsical white-haired octogenarian Marion Walker (Joan Heney), and dynamic cop Donnie got me rooting for 'em right till the final curtain, mayte! One of the more aesthetically pleasing aspects of 'Dead Silence' is the splendidly evocative chiaroscuro photography of talented DP John R. Lionetti, this gifted fellow also lensed the deliciously skewed, greatly underappreciated Lindsay Lohan oddity 'I Know Who Killed Me'.