'Pagan Warrior' (2019) – Nick Minaj and Louisa Warren.

A Saxon castle is miraculously overrun by a weirdly miniscule band of marauding 'Vikings', King Rollo (Peter Cosgrove) and his queen are grievously injured and his beloved daughter Avery (Jessica O'Toole) are crudely captured by the shouty, weasel-faced Ubbe (Carey Thring), the king's badly gored, terminally ailing body is hexed back to life by a pair of mumsy wood-dwelling witches and a fateful bargain is made with a hell-summoned, black-mawed Krampus (Darrell Griggs) to slay his outlander enemies and rightfully reclaim his throne, needless to say it all goes epically and hilariously Pete Tong! Going after Pagan Warrior's myriad failings is no less sporting than shooting outsized salmon in a barrel with a bazooka, but it is the director's bizarre lack of irony and witheringly earnest seriousness that ultimately won me over, as 'Pagan Warrior' is endearing rather than cinematically competent, much like a toddler's first, frantic attempts at art is outwardly encouraged, but is inwardly ruthlessly satirized!

What you effectively have here is a game group of overeager chums boisterously Larping about in the country, the undernourished 'Vikings' look like Sabaton groupies, while the majestically bearded Peter Cosgrove vaingloriously attempts his best Sean Harris impression as King Rollo, the 'acting' only rarely rises above the monotonous mumblings of a school nativity play, but the penurious producers wisely invested their Poundland budget in the creepily charismatic, Viking slaying Krampus , proving to be a remarkably effective beastie, a toothsomely theatrical terror that colourfully channels Mortiis and 'Funny Man' to amusing effect. The plucky can-do film-makers all deserve a Blue Peter badge for their elephantine efforts, as it takes some bulletproof chutzpah to attempt a period Blood n' Thunder Viking romance with a camcorder and 4 months' lunch money! But, I am wholly convinced it is the inadvertently hilarious film's heroic absurdity that should deservedly earn it a loyal legion of wrong-headed Z-movie fanatics!

Psychotronic-minded aficionados of 'The Room', 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' and 'Robot Monster' are, perhaps, the ideal beer-sozzled demographic for the more esoteric pleasures to be found in 'Pagan Warrior', but it must also be said that I clearly have more faith in 'Pagan Warrior' than the disingenuous designers of the artwork, since it erroneously features two suitably steely-looking characters that absolutely DO NOT appear in the film! 'Pagan Warrior' needs to be on your B-Movie naughty list, Yule be mythically mad to miss it!!!!