The Iron Warrior (1987) – Alfonso Brescia.

Mostly non-sucky fantasy The Iron Warrior is ably produced by the same delicious disaster-mind behind fabulously freak-bearded Sci-schlocker 'The Visitor'. Conan for perma-tweaked VHS babies, haphazardly weaned on grubby Gor paperbacks, windswept, ribbon-y Duran Duran video's and actively neurotoxic food additives. Handsomely set upon a picturesque Maltese archipelago for additional prehistoric gravitas, the pulpy peplum narrative is plentifully peppered with enough Homeric bathos, and swash buckling sword and sorcery shenanigans to appease 80s fantasy fans. What pretty sword master Ator (Miles O'Keefe) lacks in charisma is strongly compensated by lean, battle-hardened sinews and epic facial bone structure, and, quite frankly, his gorgeously nubile paramour Savina Gershak lacks not one damn thing at all. Performances are adequate, the expository text provides much unintentional humour, and Wally Gentleman's especially fine photography dazzles not infrequently.