Berserker (1987) – Jef Richard.

'This Berserker is snout to lunch, dude!'

Berserker might be more ironic than previously thought, the slasher prologue is usually a kid goofing off deadly, then cutting yadda-yadda to '20 years later', whereas Berserker gets fully medieval, and prologues from the 10^th century, by Crom!!!! Since it features B-icon George 'Buck' Flowers, all the acting can't suck absolutely. Insipid text places cookie cutter teens in a mountainous region haunted by a muscle-head in a bear mask, and, of course, the cop's a hard-on, and the kids are even bigger hard-ons, so their backwoods exsanguination is to be celebrated! The pre-slaughter isn't improved by the egregious A.O.R slop, plus the puritanical lack of T&A, and cliched, to the point of utter inanity fireside shtick didn't help! Soft kills are heralded by copious wafts of dry ice, and bassy Maniac-esque synth drones, interestingly, no one gets any nookie, so its safe viewing for the Mean Too generation.

The prodigious amounts of smoke do little to obscure Berserker's innate lack of satisfying mayhem. My advice, watch 'Night of The Demon' again, a dude gets his pee-pee totally ripped off, and that ornery behemoth REALLY knows how swing a set of intestines! As always, Buck Flowers delivers, even though he is clearly taking the proper mickey with his SNL Swedish accent! Berserker is the kind of plasma-lite, cash-in slasher that is best forgotten, but it certainly merits a remake, with Galifianakis, a shoo-in for Pappy Nyquist. It's merely my subjective sartorial observation, but I don't believe the almost-crop top will ever truly succeed the real deal. My mind wondered rather haphazardly during Berserker, right until I pretended that it was the Ultimate Warrior behind the bear mask!!!!!