Party Line (1988) – William Webb.

Rugged Richard Hatch, slinky Shawn Weatherly, Shaft-tastic Richard Roundtree, and blonde moppet Lief Garrett star in saucily slap n' tickled 80s slasher Party Line. Sexily sinister siblings often provide one of the more innately skeevey tropes in horror/exploitation, incestuous families are the gristly backbone of B-Horror greatness. Party Line's plot of a twisted sister and her bonkers bro using a party line to set sketchy dudes up for the erotokill isn't hugely involving, but it must also be said that this is one of the most relentlessly 80s looking horrors I have recently seen, buoyed by the pleasingly photogenic presences of Hatch and Weatherly. Come to think of it, Hatch & Weatherly is a spiffingly tasty title for a retroid TJ Hooker'd cop show! The formula dialogue is pulpier than baby food, but its increasing awfulness proved hypnotic, and Garrett is bemusingly vanilla as a psycho, dude's foofier than a toy dog.

Like an especially pricey hooker, Party Line sucks in a all the best ways, and simpering Oedipus freak Garrett looks SUPER hot in his mom's wedding dress, if that makes me kinky, I'm kinky, and I'm absolutely okay with that...come to mommy!!!!! Party Line is ultimately no less bogus than Phil Spector's hairline, a legitimate party pooper, but its soooo massively kitschy, I kinda almost dug it! In the uproariously goofy final act, firebrand Weatherly gets all gussied up in a banger red dress, and looks F'n fiiiiiinnne! 'It's okay!!! I pushed him off the balcony!!!' Hey!!! I don't wish to sound overtly glib, but it felt like the the guy who wrote this fell of a phooken balcony too!!! When hunky Hatch does his end-of-movie shtick with his blithe, alpha dude 'Party's Over!' line, I might refute this by saying that the party never quite started, dude!!!