Empire of The Dark (1990) – Steve Berkett.

Is it entirely fair to claim that those individuals who dislike bonkers B-cult Empire of The Dark are innately bad people? Well, no, it isn't, BUT!!!!! I'm fairly certain we wouldn't see eye-to-eye on all the important shit in life. Empire of The Dark asks us to believe that a portly, middle-aged man with a dodgy syrup, Christmas cracker 'stash, and LARP-level broadsword skills can defeat the sinisterly sulphurous soldiers of Satan? Call me a hopeless sentimentalist, but, yes, I can absolutely accept that! Dejected ex-cop (Berkett) maintains a justifiable beef with grandstanding Satanic cult leader (Richard Harrison), who ritually slaughtered his delectably voluptuous main squeeze. Post ubiquitous '20 Years Later' title card, and he's returned to perpetrate more hysteric Satanic panic, but NOT on Berkett's watch!!!!

It takes chutzpah, muscular cojones, and an indomitable passion for D.I.Y genre cinema to produce an Empire of The Dark. Aye! One could be all snarky about it, as quite patently, eager beaver Berkett bit off more than he could chew, but like Ed Wood Jr., he had a singular cinematic vision, and fortuitous access to goodly folk that were more than happy to assist him realise his dream. While Berkett comes across like the uncle you thought was so cool when you were 7, and years later, you uncomfortably discovered that 7yr olds know Jack about cool. Pharmaceutical dabbling, booze, and nascent sexual awakenings provided far more beguiling gods. You legitimately CANNOT compile a list of 10 objectively killer B-Movies without including Empire of The Dark, and the fact that it is so infrequently mentioned with deserved reverence, sadly means that all those uncool uncles grew up and became 'film experts'.