Memorial Valley Massacre (1988) – Robert C. Hughes.

Not long after opening for business, the patrons of this ill-fated campsite are targeted by a viciously territorial cave-dweller. Like the Godmonster of Indian Flats before it, this schlock-pile is played strictly for laffs, and is best viewed through well-lubricated beer goggles! While it should be hard to resist a dopey slasher with William Smith and Cameron Mitchell, director Hughes's frequent lapses of judgement make it frequently resistible! As an aside, it might prove interesting to discover whether the producers of Encino Man used this primitive 80s slasher as their inspiration? I simply MUST give the script well-deserved props for digging up the 'Chuck U Farley!' gag, especially since the greatly belaboured comedy elements herein are no less basic than the bucktoothed slayer's approach to personal hygiene. Hard to miss, and ear-wormingly distracting, Memorial Valley Massacre's most obvious idiosyncrasy is the horribly synthetic, consistently crass soundtrack. 

I very much hope this proves to be one of my more successful attempts at prognostication, but should the Hallmark Channel ever decide to re-re-remake The Hills Have Eyes, it would hopefully, at least, partially resemble the uncommonly odoriferous, eco-warrior schlocker Memorial Valley Massacre! While I'm not convinced that a slasher absolutely needs a message, Maniac did marvellously well without one, but gosh Dang it all!!!! Memorial Valley Massacre's tree-hugging axe-killer clearly has got his heart in the right place...problem is, you play your speed metal tapes too loud, yours won't be! Next to Linnea Quigley lingeringly flashing her lingerie in ROTLD, I righteously dig on bathos, and MVM got bountiful bathos, like Madonna's sock draw got cooties. As a credible slasher, this one's a bust, enjoyed as a Tromatizing goof-fest, it has more tiger-blooded wins than a birthday-week fentanyl binge with Charlie Sheen. I always knew William Smith was a pedigree Alpha dog, but his brutal method of preparing a well-done steak is some next-level shit!