Acceleration (2019) – Michael Marino / Daniel Zerilli.

'I don't want loser DNA in my house!!!!!!!'

A determined, physically capable woman (Nathalie Burn) is coerced by phoned-in Villain (Dolph Lundgren) to expedite certain tasks, in order to reclaim her kidnapped son in brisk DTV actioner Acceleration. Having to endure increasingly severe trials for personal gain/freedom goes back to Homer, so y'all don't need to be a Delphic oracle to predict Acceleration's outcome. Acceleration is a professionally mounted, formulaic B-crime actioner with a decent cast, so-so action, and a pedestrian text, so raddled by cliché, even the steely, monolithic presence of Dolph can't sweeten the ride. At this point, mainstream action, and especially horror, is left pretty much flogging a dead horse, any vestiges of relevance, or genuine excitement in genre cinema is being solely maintained by Asia. While it has become common practice to witness bloater Steven Seagal sitting/whispering throughout his execrable oeuvre, diminishing Dolph like this is a catastrophic miscalculation, like using a McLaren Artura for the midnight 7-Eleven snackky run! Sean Patrick Flanery is a usually reliable B-Action presence, but no actor is wholly immune to pony dialogue, and dour, rent-a-thug Liddell's slab-like persona has all the appreciable charisma of raw shellac. Like weirdo religious sects who must copulate through gauze, it ain't nothing like the real thang, and, sadly, Acceleration ain't even close to the real deal.