Alien Apocalypse (2005) – Josh Becker.

'You like wood so much, eat this!!!!'

When astronauts Dr. Ivan Hood (Bruce Campbell) and Lt. Kelly Lanaman (Renee O'Connor) return after a cryogenically-enhanced 40 year long mission, any hopes for much needed RNR is royally fubar'd by the grim reality of an alien takeover. Needless to say, both of our intrepid space trekkers are militantly bummed, press-ganged into slave labour camps, Dr. Ivan and the plucky Lt. Lanaman attempt to rabble rouse the enslaved humans to take up arms against their alien oppressors. Alien Apocalypse remains very much on the good side of goofy, a fun, retro Sci-fi romp, the 70s version would have perhaps featured Doug McClure, but I kinda prefer the signature studly wise-Assery of Horror's most heroically handsome head-knocker, the beautifully bestubbled scourge of these ornery insectoid malefactors.

The playful ironical tone is engagingly maintained throughout, with Campbell delivering a typically out-sized performance as 'The Great Healer', wholly credible as the courageous bug slayer, bloodily earning the moniker of 'The Great Exterminator'. It's been a minute since I last enjoyed a bona fide throwback, bug-eyed B-Movie monster mash, psychotronically replete with gruesomely head-chomping, green-goo spurting, eco-unfriendly aliens. I almost can't believe I'm about to say this, but the CGI'd creatures are kinda okay, I think the director having the enslaved humans sporting hellaciously fake beards/fright-wigs actually made the aliens look pretty sweet in comparison! In conclusion, as expected, Bruce Campbell rocks like vintage Girlschool, but I'm still in two minds about the purloined 'Im Spartacus!' business, and from the look on Bruce's boatrace, I think he had his doubts too!

 Watchers II (1990) – Thierry Notz.

'I told you to stay out of the basement!!!!!'

AWOL marine Paul (Marc Singer) meets (almost) cutely with supremely gifted canine Einstein, unaware that they are being hunted by a grossly deformed mutant anthropoid assassin, compelled to destroy the dog and kill any who befriend it. I'm not a super-fan of the Corey Haim/Michael Ironside original, but I still appreciate it, and by casting the iconic Beastmaster in its explosive sequel, with its genetically enhanced beasts feels entirely appropriate, factor in Tracy Scoggins, the lovely Irene Miracle, and you have an eminently watchable treat. Dynamic 90s DTV Sci-splatter Watchers II begins kinetically, rigorously maintaining momentum until its no less zesty climax. While unabashedly midnight movie fare, Thierry Notz's high-voltaged Sci-actioner frequently exemplifies all that is truly compelling about thrillingly bloody, slam bang, Sci-fi/horror pulp!

The horror movie sequels that prove successful are usually those that ultimately replay the strengths of the original, and Watchers II presents the far from ubiquitous example of a sequel proving to be demonstratively more entertaining than the original. It is certainly no surprise that Watchers II's credibility comes from the engaging screen chemistry between Tracy Scoggins, a buff Marc Singer, and Einstein, the adorably precocious Golden retriever. For me, Watchers II boisterously ticked all the right boxes, likeable, sympathetic heroes, muscular, bullet-blasted action, gnarly monster, a whip-crack pace, and a brusingly violent, yet demonstrably pathos-adjacent finale. If there proved to be a spankingly remastered Blu-ray edition of Watchers 1 & 2, I'd be all over it like shill reviews on Trust Pilot.