Friday, May 6, 2022

'The Row'(2018) – Matty Beckermann. 

'The Row' is a disagreeably bloodless pseudo-slasher, egregiously overrun with asinine eminently snuffable characters, and, curiously, little attempt is made to disguise the identity of the obsessively 'Doll-making' psycho! With the The Row's timorous amounts of T&A doing nothing to enliven the rudimentary, thrill-less text. If memory serves,I think it actually states fairly unequivocally in sacred terror tome 'Making Slasher Movies For Dummies' that the bodaciously bootylicious babes ALWAYS pops their tops before they drops, dude!!! Sadly, these skinless Sorority shenanigans are too plasma light to scare up much of a fitful fright! And whoever 'wrote' this fearless farrago clearly flunked slasher basics and desperately needs to enrol at Camp Blood this summer for some essential extracurricular teen-terror tutelage! Infamous alumni of this august place of learning include 'Victor Crowley', 'Madman Marz', 'Cropsey' Et al.



 



 

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